a different camp, for different girls...

you guys, my organs are shifting again. i can feel it. it's kind of like that anxious feeling, only wayyyyy lower. deep down in my gut. there's work, and life, and love and all the unknown that comes along with it. and even though there has been so much change recently, i'm craving more. it's as though i got all changed up, started spinning on a different track, but also got flipped over. and i need just a little bit more to be on the right speed again. you know? (hey, big red... if you're reading, don't worry, all is well. i am well. just feeling reflective is all). she gets worried about me sometimes.

i've been sitting with my palms faced down in my variations of seated meditation lately... to keep me grounded. and i remembered, recently, how nothing has ever kept me as grounded as those fifteen summers i spent in vermont. thirteen of them at brown ledge.

i found this poem not too long ago. one of my bunkies re-organized the where i'm from template, by george ella lyon... to be about brown ledge. it's not a story, and probably isn't clear to anyone but a bunkie, but i need it to be here today. thanks...

brown ledge is about prayer flags that hang over the canoe dock, a brand new nalgene and table decorations.

brown ledge is about knowing every rock and root on the point; you could walk it at night, blindfolded.

it's about dirt stuck under your toenails, woodchips in your birkenstocks, dried petals from rose ceremonies past and the sweet smell of citronella and gun powder from the rifle range.

brown ledge is fred and twylla. it's the smile i recognize in maddie's face from her mama. it is eva singing goodnight sweetheart to me as a homesick ten year old, playing duck duck goo-us with samuel swift and dancing to i am a ballerina with rosebud.

it's about watching my beautiful ex-smuggs and ship ahoyians become extraordinary young women.

it's about swinging along the open road under a sky that's clear and hittin' em in the head and sockin' em in the eye, so that our bones will rise again.

it's the best of times when you watch your bunkie get her vanguard, releasing the anxiety of whether you will get yours... because at that moment, she is much more important than you. and it's the worst of times when you sing the goodnight song as a second year jc for the last time at the awards ceremony.

brown ledge is about dancing out the lyrics to your favorite song with your campers in strawberry hut.

brown ledge is about giggles, comfort, happy tears and always some sad ones.

brown ledge is the time marty promised he would shave his head and buy me every flavor of ben and jerry's if all of the theatre jc's got their sailing basics in one day. it was the most illegitimate basic of that summer, but now i know... ready to jib, jib ho!

brown ledge is my love, that is always unconditional.

brown ledge on my finger, every day.

first photo is from brownledge.org... check it out. if you have a daughter, it'll change her life. change. love you.

best...

yesterday is one for the record books. such a brilliant day. jake and i had a bunch of together time... which can generally make me nervous, but we're pretty good at being friends. probably, i don't have to worry about too much together time.

we met for coffee at philz (duh) and then hit the road for the world savvy challenge. world savvy is an amazing organization promoting students k-12 to become active, educated, participatory and responsible global citizens. read about them, for real.

so jake and i were volunteer judges for the world savvy challenge. we watched performances, looked at exhibits and observed round table discussions about the need for change as it relates to sustainable communities. what what?! ya, junior high and high school students talking about using bamboo as a resource to build houses in haiti, the epidemic of e-waste, water shortages and hunger. the performance that i didn't get to see... which was a major hit... isolationism in north korea! the musical.


i. know.

oh, and... the keynote speaker rapped beef  by boogie down productions. yes. 

yes.

a bunch of my brown ledge crew was there. that's my summer camp world. in fact, the organizer of the even is a brown ledge girl and overall brilliant genius. and jake, who knows very little about camp was thrown right into it. he's a champ, but perhaps a teensy bit overwhelmed by our rapid paced conversations and squeals over memories and summers past.

we took a break from each other, but then reconvened for PINA. you haven't seen it yet? do. it. now. a wim wenders film made with the dancers for the late pina bausch. genius. and in 3-d.

and of course i ran into one of my sarah lawrence dancers in the theatre. ok, not just any sarah lawrence dancer... but the one who danced for me during her entire sarah lawrence tenure. more squealing. more rapid fire talking. this time with wayyyyy more gestures and general wiggling. we talked about dance and movement and training bodies for movement patterns and visceral reactions to movement and how fucking scary that can be.

i have amazing friends. so blessed. so in love with it all.


be kind. i love you. piccys are still coming from ffffound.

peace...

big red and i have been giggling since i arrived. we paused though, for a moment. for this...

this is the photo that my mom used to make a card to send to grandpa jim's neighbors. they were an amazing group of people that gave jimmy, lois and big red so much support, especially towards the end. they brought food over when lois couldn't cook anymore, picked all the weeds and made sure the oranges were harvested. inside the card my mom wrote this...

Jim Dodson

April 20, 1918 - February 20, 2012

Husband

Father

Grandfather

Great Grandfather

Good Neighbor

Bon Vivant

Born, lived and died in

The City of Angels

Peace

she's a class act, that big red. and always so spot on. but of course, she'd never resist the opportunity to snap this photo...

he lived in the valley. sagging is the look there...

big red passed on a couple other choice photos... more to come. i love you.

a high of 82˚...

you've heard me say it before... so it shouldn't come as a surprise... I LOVE LA. ya heard. it deserves all caps. what?! I've been here for a few days for work. ya heard that too. for work?! who am i? have i told you this yet? forgive. all this la sunshine is getting to my brain maybe. but, i've made some pretty big and insane changes as it relates to work. I've taken a full time job, same company, new role. and i'm in la for a few days doing some training with the guru of my job. he's fantastic. flippin' fantastic!

at any rate... i've been staying in boys town. santa monica boulevard between la cienega and san vicente. ahhhhhh. now, it's not my la. my la is a little less west side, a little more grit (other side of the hill), but in many ways, la is la. no matter where. and it is beautiful this time of year.

every time i come here, the sunshine pulls at my heartstrings... if i lived here, think how close i'd be to big red! oh my! don't tempt me. for now, i'll still be in love with san francisco... maybe when my company's downtown la location opens, i'll try and woo myself into that seat... hmmmm. 

until then, get some sun, ok?

i'll be hanging with big red and tony guest tonight. heaven.

firsts...

every year, when i was growing up, the first day of school was a big event. what to wear? ride the bike or have mom drive me? would people remember me? (i went through elementary, junior and high school with essentially the same group of people... i may have had a mild case of early onset anxiety, non?). my favorite part, though was standing in the garden in front of my house for the first day of school photo.

we have every single one. from preschool (yes, there were several years there when i really did where a leotard, tights and velcro sneakers every day), to public school, through the uniform years and up through senior year... it's pretty silly. man, all those whacky hairdo's!!!! i definitely had a flock of seagulls-inspired coif for a bit.

the first day of freshman year of high school, i remember, was significantly horrendous. I had just come back from camp, in vermont, as i did every summer. i had had zero contact with anyone from long beach, freshly acne'd skin, a birkenstock tan and truly beyond no fashion sense. to make matters worse, i was coming from a junior high where we wore uniforms. so for three years prior, i was in heaven. the only major decision i had to make was what color tights i was going to wear with my pleated skirt and doc. marten combat boots.... yep, helloooooooo early nineties!

it went something like this: blue o.p. courduroy shorts, white t-shirt with hang loose printed on it, white scrunchy socks and some variation of big skater/surfer sneakers. i was super comfy... long beach is sometimes in the high 90's or low hundies in mid-september, so i'd like to think i was protecting myself from embarrassing pit stains. nah. oh. my. gawd. y'all... my high school was a flippin' fashion show. not as severe as cher and dion in clueless, picture more surf-chic, but jeeze. i. was. wrong. i walked around the whole day trying to hide my feet. the girls were wearing jack purcell's, not simple's. duh. (ever tried to hide your feet during passing period in a school of 4,500 students? not possible, fyi).

when i finally got some fashion sense together, my mom made me close to 10 adorable a-line shift dresses in amazing fabrics. blue gingham, orange and fuschia plaid, turquiose hawaiian print... all of them worn with my white platform jack purcell's. gimme a break, i was still learning. a photo of me in the blue gingham dress sits next to the actual first day of freshman year photo... a do-over of sorts. big red's so indulgent.

anywhoodle, yesterday was my first day at a new job! what what?! same company, new role... a boss lady for a group of people! i know, crazy-town. good news is i didn't break anything, or anyone. my new boss is so great. a year younger than i am with so much energy to make great things happen for our team (do i sound like a corporate monkey yet??? whatevs, i'm geting benefits now!!!! and i like the job, boom!)

i took a piccy for big red and texted it to her, as i did when i entered college, had my first day at my first real job, when i went to grad school, etc... you get the point. we have a pile of firsts now...

here are some things that happened on my first day...

my super civilized breakfast... y'all this is serious! i did not have to wake up at 4am!!!!! i had time to eat, play with xavier and drink copious amounts of coffee!

shake it till you samba... my new gel mani for good luck on your first day positive energy!

what up big red?! she sent me flowers... the card said you go girl! love, big red. see, this shit runs deep, ain't just some behavioral nothings i picked up on the street (well, maybe some of it...)


ok, sweetie peas, i've been missing you. hope the week is the best. keep changing, it's fun. let's all do some digestion pose today (lay on your back with your legs extended up the wall... sitting bones huggin' up on that wall... it'll get you regular). infinite x's and o's.