rainy day behavior...

when i was a little girl, i cried every time i saw a homeless person. it gutted me to my core and i could never understand how that homeless person got to where he/she was. in the third grade i got in trouble at school for "forgetting" my lunch money every day, even though big red never once forgot to pack me a lunch... there was a homeless man living in front of the donut shop on 2nd st and i frequently gave him my lunch. i mean, as far as i could see, he didn't have a mom or dad taking care of him. and at 8 years old, it turned my heart inside out.

the sort of legendary tale from childhood was the day we saw a homeless family standing in the rain on the corner of pacific coast highway and 2nd street. we had just come from seeing a movie, all three of us, so it makes me think it must have been a big holiday, otherwise tonyguest would not be at the movies with us.

i saw the family and burst into tears. here was a family... with a mom and a dad... and a little girl. a little girl like me. with no umbrella. the sky was pouring rain on them with no umbrella. i have some quasi-memories of my mom talking to me about the nature of homelessness. the details seem fuzzy, but i guess i understood that helping could be sporadic, that i didn't have to give my lunch to everyone, or even a dollar to everyone. you sort of have to come to that kind of understanding when you grow up in long beach. oh, but this family. a family! we pulled over and i gave them my umbrella. from behind sun-chapped lips, the mother mouthed the word thank you. and the little girl looked so relieved. the father just closed his eyes.

last night i was talking to big red on the phone and she told me that when she left the market earlier in the evening a man ringing a bell outside the market was standing all alone in the rain, just ringing his bell. when she got to the car, she turned around and went back to give him her umbrella. with wide eyes he asked, really?! my mom just nodded.

then, this is what she said to me:

the world is so full of people, doing what they do. it makes me stop and take a deep breath. we are doing what we think we need to do, what we have to do to make it through the days. no wonder we bump into each other. it's so emotional.

the point? well, reciprocity has always been a personal theme for me... so i'm reinvigorating my intentions. give some and take some. give in order to take and take in order to give. mostly though, give generously.

instagram photos from users: dejiosinulu, mahessu and karyzmahh

the day after monday is...

tomorrow is tuesday. and tuesdays are very long days for me. 4:30am wake up to teach at 6am. then i teach my last class at 6:30pm. long long long. sometimes the world works in this way.

so tonight, when i got home from work, i decided to set myself up for success, as big red would say. i cooked. many many dishes. i cooked variations on quinoa, cous cous, gold/red/purple potatoes, asparagus, chicken sausage and drank lots of wine whilst doing it. perfect.

each bit of cooked goodness went into a tupperware to take to work tomorrow for breakfast, lunch and dinner... the rest will be available for a mini-wednesday and mini thursday. hooray. at any rate, this idea of making and packing meals has always been one big red's ways of guaranteeing a great day. (my favorite is waking up and saying out loud today is going to be a great day, of course.)

recently, i rediscovered my copy of the worst-case scenario survival handbook. it's really brilliant. kelly gave it to me for christmas a million years ago. i love it for its novelty. for its james bond-esque ability to make an emergency situation feel calculated and reasonable.

however, there's no chapter for what to do if you're having a no good terrible very bad because you forgot your lunch, or if you are feeling half-way lousy because your boyfriend is across the world for two weeks and the time change is killing your ability to communicate and your big red and tony don't answer their phones at first ring or you feel like you listen to so much crazy during the day that your own creations of crazy begin to seem calculated and reasonable.... hmmmm. i clearly needed to say a few things. thanks for listening.

well. regardless of having a lack of concrete guidance regarding today's real life worst-case scenarios, big red's advice stands true. today was a good day... i told myself it would be at the get go... tomorrow will be too. ( i just have to remember to pull my lunch out of the fridge. oy. call me around 5:13am to remind me, would you? thanks.)

also, having your favorite color nail polish on your fingernails can also be a factor in having a good day. try black cherry berry. you won't regret it.

weekend playlist...

actually, it's from thanksgiving. long beach thanksgiving has always had a specific sound... music-wise.

jordan, who also turned 32 on thanksgiving, was particularly gracious considering there was absolutely no way any neil young would be even considered for our mix. there is always copious amounts of fleetwood mac and sam cooke... with twistin' the night away, strategically placed at the end of dinner-time so that my mom can get up and dance... ever-hoping that tony will get up and twist with her. i mean, he does have a new hip now...

sure hope there was plenty o' dancing at your thanksgiving feast too. 

salmon day...

attention! i know you've all been patiently awaiting an update on my zooey deschanel bangs. oy. you see, i don't really look like zooey deschanel. at all. so, now i've got really thick bangs that i'm sweeping to the side so that you can tell i still have a face underneath all of this hair... seriously, i'm forever going to be an evolution of hair-dos...

in other important news, i'm back in southern california, at the guest family homestead for thanksgiving. last year we did prime rib. this year the star of the show is a big, whole salmon. head and all. that whole sucker makes it onto the bbq with dad's special marinade (from the time he and some pals were in canada, ran out of food except for soy sauce and the salmon they caught (with their hands - according to the tale - but that's kind of like walking up hill in the snow both ways to school, you know?), and managed to make a pretty fantastic sauce for the fish made from found ingredients).

of course, the marinade story turned into an evening of tales-from-the-bush (not that bush, get your mind out of the gutter). my dad has taken many a huntin' trips in british columbia canada, endearingly referred to as, the bush. in our house at one point or another, we have had the taxidermied busts of an elk, a caribou, various breeds of ram, sheep, goat and antelope as well as one full grizzly bear rug. we're real fancy-like here in long beach. jordan seemed pretty enthralled, so all-in-all, i'd call the evening a success.

these two just sit around all day talking to each other...

 the caribou antlers live at my place now...

jordan described my dad's garage as the best man-cave he'd ever seen. my dad has no idea what a man-cave is.

hoping your thanksgiving is a story-worthy one too!

all these photos are courtesy of my new iphone, luna lovegood, and the amazing app afterglow.

barack the vote...

hi team. it's a big day here... i'm trying to keep calm, but let's be honest, i'm hardly ever calm in real life. so today? ha!

in a strange turn of events, i took the day off. so, i'm spending the day reading blogs, watching the lines at the poll across the street from my apartment and willing myself to accept that time will pass as it always does, and i've done my part! (i must be patient)

yesterday, i called voters in wisconsin and encouraged them to vote. today... i'm waiting along with the rest of the country.

and just in case you were wondering... for halloween, i was a woman in a binder... a la romney's binders full of women...

hope you are out baracking the vote today too. original artwork found here. in other news, in addition to today being election day, it's also go-get-zooey-deschanel-style-bangs today. stay tuned. i can tell, you're on the edge of your seat.

virtue...

when i was 10, i played virtue, one of reno sweeney's angels in the cole porter musical anything goes. at the time, i hadn't a clue what a virtue was, and no idea how to be one. ha.

these days, patience is the virtue that i struggle with the most. you see, it doesn't come naturally to me. maybe because i am an only child. maybe because i am a leo who has red hair. maybe because i am a peacock. or maybe just because.

though, at work, in my management role, my patience is strong. i was telling jordan some choice stories from my day and he said i don't have enough patience to deal with this shit. you tell me these stories and i just want to shout at everyone. which is probably true, but also loaded. he and i have such different jobs. so when he tells me stories, i have almost the same thought. so it seems plausible that we learn the patience that we need. the patience to get through the necessary and relevant parts of the day.

my growing virtue seems to be the big sister to my listening skills and my ability to react without emotion... i'm almost a real adult, y'all. it's a little bit nuts at times, and i almost don't recognize those parts of myself. the parts of myself that listen to the four agreements. the parts that don't make assumptions and those that allow me to do my best... even in trying and unfamiliar situations.

it seems reasonable that these components of growth will spill-over into my personal life too. and, at times, they do. but, doesn't it seem fair, just a little bit, that there are times i don't want to try so hard at being a good person? times when i can feel the rebellious nature rise...

attention, i'm being impatient! on! purpose! at the end of the day, don't i/we deserve some outright groundless, preposterous, unjustifiable logic to balance out all the good head nodding/tilting with thoughtful mmmm hmmmms and i absolutely validate and honor what you are sayings... sometimes (read: always) i want what i want when i say that i want it. but shit, it's frustrating. because as it turns out, not everyone wants to deal with this behavior from me nor do they move at the pace i want, at all times.

reasonably so.

and even though i know it's totally irrational to have these indulgent and over-reactive moments of losing my shit and being downright bratty... it's as though i need them as reminders. layla, chill out. you can be patient and still be a red-headed, leo-peacock who loves to feel and live passionately. (i mean, i did tell my boss today that i think periods (the punctuation mark, not the moon cycle (though sometimes that too) should be outlawed and we should only use exclamation marks!) (in response to her asking me to re-write something so that it didn't appear quite as emphatic... bleh) but boy, i tell you... it's a balancing act.

i got hit by a car tonight. my physical body. i'm ok. mom, i'm ok... don't worry, i'll call you tomorrow and tell you all about it... but, it was pretty ridiculous. i used my very strong self to block and propel away from the dumb-ass driver hauling ass backwards down 16th street and then shouted many many many profanities. what? i know. i love you. i stole these pictures from jordan.