these days, patience is the virtue that i struggle with the most. you see, it doesn't come naturally to me. maybe because i am an only child. maybe because i am a leo who has red hair. maybe because i am a peacock. or maybe just because.
though, at work, in my management role, my patience is strong. i was telling jordan some choice stories from my day and he said i don't have enough patience to deal with this shit. you tell me these stories and i just want to shout at everyone. which is probably true, but also loaded. he and i have such different jobs. so when he tells me stories, i have almost the same thought. so it seems plausible that we learn the patience that we need. the patience to get through the necessary and relevant parts of the day.
my growing virtue seems to be the big sister to my listening skills and my ability to react without emotion... i'm almost a real adult, y'all. it's a little bit nuts at times, and i almost don't recognize those parts of myself. the parts of myself that listen to the four agreements. the parts that don't make assumptions and those that allow me to do my best... even in trying and unfamiliar situations.
it seems reasonable that these components of growth will spill-over into my personal life too. and, at times, they do. but, doesn't it seem fair, just a little bit, that there are times i don't want to try so hard at being a good person? times when i can feel the rebellious nature rise...
attention, i'm being impatient! on! purpose! at the end of the day, don't i/we deserve some outright groundless, preposterous, unjustifiable logic to balance out all the good head nodding/tilting with thoughtful mmmm hmmmms and i absolutely validate and honor what you are sayings... sometimes (read: always) i want what i want when i say that i want it. but shit, it's frustrating. because as it turns out, not everyone wants to deal with this behavior from me nor do they move at the pace i want, at all times.
reasonably so.
and even though i know it's totally irrational to have these indulgent and over-reactive moments of losing my shit and being downright bratty... it's as though i need them as reminders. layla, chill out. you can be patient and still be a red-headed, leo-peacock who loves to feel and live passionately. (i mean, i did tell my boss today that i think periods (the punctuation mark, not the moon cycle (though sometimes that too) should be outlawed and we should only use exclamation marks!) (in response to her asking me to re-write something so that it didn't appear quite as emphatic... bleh) but boy, i tell you... it's a balancing act.
i got hit by a car tonight. my physical body. i'm ok. mom, i'm ok... don't worry, i'll call you tomorrow and tell you all about it... but, it was pretty ridiculous. i used my very strong self to block and propel away from the dumb-ass driver hauling ass backwards down 16th street and then shouted many many many profanities. what? i know. i love you. i stole these pictures from jordan.
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