control/change...

so, it gets a little confusing when you're like me and have a great love for change and the unknown... the adventurous spirit takes over and i forget to look back at what i have. but then there are those moments that i cling to what is grounded, solid and reliable. it makes for an interesting internal dialogue at times, to say the least.

in an effort to remain as self aware as possible (yes, it's happening), i'm embracing both. both. as always, the constant prospect of change at work is ever present. i wonder if i enable that because its the true nature of the job, or i just need it to be... y'all let's admit to one another, it's the latter. it's almost as though i know i cannot have complete control at work (duh), and so, if it's constantly changing and i am just one piece of the instigation of that change, then really, no one is in control. we all are. together.

last week, i wrote approximately 48 and a half blog posts in my head. i do that a lot, but usually something sparkly flies by and i forget what i meant to say. i've tried writing notes in my phone (oh my phone... rip the screen on tina sparkle... i flung her across grant avenue in north beach two weekends ago. ugh), and i've also tried keeping a moleskin handy to write things down... i'm still searching for the perfect combination of devices and accoutrements to hold myself blog-accountable.

i'm a series of tangents and digressions this morning, eh? but hey, i'm the boss around here!

so one of the 48 and half posts from last week had something to do with coffee and my newfound love of the regularity (read never-changing) schedule of my favorite barista at the shop around the corner from my house. i intended to tell you about mac, my 100% favorite barista. about our slow and continually growing relationship. he knows what i order, we both have red hair, we share a love for men in overalls (that's a good story, i promise) and he generally makes me smile. in fact, a monday is not a monday without my morning dose of mac.

but y'all... he was not in a good place today. change! what what? he did not even say hello to me today. he was far gone in a conversation with everett (my 2nd favorite barista) about his roommate's huge mural in their apartment. oh mac. here i thought we had something beautiful.

i know, i know. layla bean get to the point or quit rambling about nothing... read that one liner two paragraphs above.

my point, i'm accepting change even as it relates to the things that i rely on to be my constant, like mac. we're all allowed to have completely unaware days when we don't want to talk to other crazy red heads who order the same cup of plain coffee everyday.

at any rate. did i mention that i'm falling in love? fast and hard y'all. ha! more on that later.

all these pics are from instagram. you can follow me @laylabean. i love you. i love love. and i love weddings (i went to one this weekend).

feel all the things...

i'm a visceral thinker. if you've read this blog before, that'll sound familiar. but, every now and then i have to remind myself. remind myself that i feel things... a lot of things, and quite often. i have been known to take pause (literally) and delight in the fact that i'm having a new feeling... that it's a shade lighter than the feeling i had yesterday.

so when i get one of those immediate visceral reactions to people, events and pieces of writing, i relish in it. it's satisfying even if my reaction is not positive. i have to laugh sometimes at myself when i am so disgusted or revolted by an idea because i can feel my body change... tighten, twist, convulse. oh my, it runs deep.

but, then there's the stuff that makes me proud to be a human. proud to exist within a community that supports such profound and glorious thoughts. i've been reading the equals record. it's so interesting. so. interesting. what i love, is that i don't follow it all as whole-heartedly as i do other sites/stories. in fact, some perspectives shared on the equals record i do not enjoy... but, i enjoy that i don't enjoy it all. i think that's the sign of something brilliant. something balanced. and true to its name, equal.

if you've never read the writing on the equals record, may i suggest starting here (especially delightful, as i recently shared this with him), here aaaaaaand here. anyone who can elicit feedback the way this site has, is remarkable. i hope you enjoy it...

images from her. which, deserves a much more grandiose introduction... but i've been composing that one for ages in hopes of doing it justice... i'll get there, promise.

us...

oh my posts are lacking. i said it before and i'm not afraid to say it again... it is not for lack of inspiration. in fact, it is quite the contrary. team, let me tell you. my life is full of inspiration these days. the past 18 days in particular... but even before then. there is clarity up in here. i am grateful.

oh, the things i need to tell you. all will come. in time. for now, how 'bout this.... i got this in an email...

accompanied by the message: this is what i think you and i will look like to other people.


but here's what's even better. when i clicked on the image attachment to save it to my little computer, it showed up with the title he gave it when he saved it... you following? he saved it as us. melt.


and so, while my words in print are few, there is an abundance everywhere else. big red was in town for the weekend, saw moonrise kingdom (again), went to the gaultier exhibit and generally delighted each other. work is good. that cat is good too. here are just a few photos (that's code for: i still can't find the right words, so i'll distract you with shiny pictures instead...)...

the picture was found via this tumblr.