ok... cupid.

did i ever tell you that i tried online dating once? it was a dark period for me. and it did not last long. at. all. we can fight our desires, but when we start making fires. we get ever so hot, whether we like it or not. (let's be clear. if you are having incredible success with and love online dating, i've got no judgements. for real. it's just not for me).

every now and then, big red and i will be on the phone and she'll tell me the story of seeing so-and-so's mom in the trader joe's parking lot. she'll tell me about how they all measure the success of their daughters by their relationship statuses. well she and [man of the hour] have been together for six months now, it's getting very serious. or, she's almost moved in with him. or, my favorite, oh, we're expecting a ring any day now. i would like to take this opportunity to explicitly thank my madre for not measuring my success by my relationship and non-relationship status. (cause if she did, shit... ). instead, big red tells these [not even acquaintances from the pta days] that i'm happy. i'm going in for the kill. i'm doing it for the thrill. she finished grad school and moved herself to san francisco. no, she's not seeing anyone in particular. she's independent. often, they reply, oh, lousie, don't worry. she'll figure it out. ha!

sometimes, when i'm not in my most bon vivant, independent woman, girl power, hey-soul sistah mood, i think... shit, maybe i should try that online thing again. screeeeech. halt. don't worry. i. won't. do. it.

buuuut, sometimes i think about what my online dating profile would look like...

 full stops and exclamation marks

my words stumble before i start

name: none of your beeswax

age: appropriate

gender: f

location: sf

education: very

body type: appropriate

about me: oy. i have to color my hair every three weeks so you can't tell that i'm really a blonde. often, i like to be the first person in line at whole foods on a sunday morning. yes, i like to be up early. i can definitely stay up one night per weekend, but probably, rarely (read: never) on school nights. i hang my hopes out on the line. will they be ready for you in time? i try really hard not to be defined by my profession; for, i'd like to have several at one time and over time. 

activities: dancing (not on a pole), pilates, yoga, riding around sf on a bike, blogging, reading blogs, sitting around doing absolutely nothing. (i'm so cliché).

in a date: i prefer facial hair. be smart. have a job. like my parents. someone very opinionated, while simultaneously incredibly open-minded. romantic gestures! come to yoga with me on friday nights. check in with me. be on time. always. read to me, out loud. be patient. very. very. patient. how far can you send emotions? i have a flare for the dramatics and make hella mistakes, so forgive me. be so loyal. i am. don't be all scared that this could be it. let's go to war, to make peace. let's be cold, to create heat.

music i like: devotchka, cyndi lauper, ryan adams, la roux, fleetwood mac, beethoven, rem, florence + the machine, k'naan, tchaikovsky, sigur ros. i'm real real mad at beyonce right now, so don't even think of playing her shit.

things i don't like: bad spelling. bad grammar. (oh, but please be nice if i spell things wrong, or forget a comma... and just tell me, nicely. i will promptly fix it and thank you for your detailed awareness). bad vocabulary. disrespectful language, when it's to another person... curse words are ok, when used correctly. dumb-ass behavior. bad driving. selfish behavior. 

i hope in darkness 

we can see

and you're not blinded by the light from me.

things that are not ideal about me: i love my orthopedic dansko clogs. i am e.m.o.t.i.o.n.a.l. and uber-sensitive too. when i find something i like, i hold on tight (some people call it needy, but he's an asshole... if i like you, i'm gonna want to spend time with you). sometimes i like to sit around and do absolutely nothing, and it's even better when you do it with me. i react very quickly and often inappropriately, so i need a lot of do-overs. and what are feelings without emotions? but, when i don't react fast, it's because i am thinking real hard about exactly what i want to say (i've been told that this is frustrating). i get jealous. what? i'm probably never gonna want to spend the night at your house... my place is crazy amazing. sometimes i suck at following-through. i hate hate hate doing dishes... so, that can be your job, ok?

oh i'm hoping you'll understand

and not let go of my hand

any takers? jesus, no wonder i don't do this shit... no one needs that information at first glance. and who'd actually appreciate my song lyric inserts... oh ya, they'd be there for realsies. (oh, and probably, most people wouldn't put a here's what to not like about me section). whoops. 

ok, so while no one is looking at my (n)online profile... i'll be putting piccys up in my apartment. images are from here. lyrics are la roux. in for the kill from the self-titled album la roux.