digress...

it's kind of amazing how much changes over the course of a couple of years. hell, over a couple of months, even. this morning i went out to move my car for street sweeping (yes, i live in a city with near-perfect public transportation and i still own a car. i'm. from. l. a.), it was cold. like, real cold. but, when i walked back into my apartment with that crisp feeling still lingering, i smiled a little to myself and thought about how beautiful it is here, even when it's cold. even when it's foggy. even when it's raining. everything's gonna get lighter. even if it never gets better. ah. but it then occurred to me that this feeling is also about me and my place here in this city. and my love for the experiences here... and my growing feeling of comfort.

you see, two short years ago i was living in new york, and i was miserable, especially when it was cold. when it was foggy. when it was gray. i got hella good at complaining about these things. i lived on the border of bronxville and yonkers. aka, bonkers. i was in graduate school. let's be clear, graduate school was the best decision i ever made. and sarah lawrence was the perfect match for me, but the circumstances surrounding that world and that time of my life were, at best, overwhelming.

never ahead of, never behind it. occasionally guarded, just keeps us surrounded.

i hope i wasn't the only mfa student walking to school thinking, "what the fuck do i think i'm doing here? who do i think i am? an mfa? i haven't got a clue what i'm doing. i'm going to fail. hard. and in front of a lot of people. i wanna go home." come on board, it's a curious sight. absorbing sound that's never been right. seriously, often. oh, and of course there was snow on the ground and i was walking up hill and my snow boots gave me blisters and i hated my haircut and my mom and dad were entirely too far away. what? it was awful.

done. i'm done.

oh! (if you'll allow me to digress) my relationship status was also horrendous. my long distance and highly complicated boyfriend and i were on the outs. i started dating a playwriting student that i met at orientation that was the absolute wrong match for me. seriously ya'll... he date raped someone whilst we were dating. real life. true story. (btdubs... after spilling the beans to my mom about you-know-who she decided that my next boyfriend has to be boyfriend by committee. smart ass lady). i propose a less serious boat. but don't mistake it for a party of jokes.

anywhoodle. san francisco has magic. no matter how gray. no matter how rainy. no matter how effin' cold. my apartment is full of life. and it feels more like my childhood home than any other place i've lived over the years. (the men in this city need help though... i digress, again. since moving to san francisco, you-know-who broke up with me thrice. i was strung along and stood up on my birthday, lied to about intentions and filed a police report for the alcoholic who went on a bender while we were dating. pity party complete. i'm done with that shit. big red says the committee must approve. i agree). forget all your politics for a while. let the color schemes arrive.

today's words by mates of state. get better from their album re-arrange us. found this tent here. and these gorgeous window coverings from her blog (i love her). hope your gray day is sunny somewhere, even if only on the inside.