when i grow up...

mrs. zern, my fifth grade teacher in room 5, was absolutely the best. she was from vermont, so i instantly loved her... and she, me. (in the summer of 1993, after my first summer at brown ledge, my mom and i stopped in woodstock, vermont on our way from burlington to brattleboro. and there, on main street, in a book store, was mrs. zern!!! can you even believe it?!)

anywhoodle, in my fifth grade yearbook (ya, right...? we had one) every classroom at lowell school had a page with interesting facts about its students. one of the brilliant room moms decided that our yearbook needed a section devoted to what i'm going to be when i grow up. gross. don't be discouraged. oh, i realize, it's hard to take courage. as you may have noticed, i still haven't got a clue what could/should be doing with my life... and i've got a flippin' master's degree. oy.

and in the fifth grade, we were not given a suitable amount of time to answer such a profound question. i mean, shit... it was the rest of my life i was preparing to answer for. in a world full of people, you can lose sight of it all. in fact, i think the habig girl's mother came by after lunch (my least efficient and by far, sweatiest, hour of the day) and passed out papers with questions... pink for girls, blue for boys. what?!?!?!? she was from louisiana... whatevs.

i agonized for those entire fifteen minutes we were allotted for said handout while my classmates casually responded... fireman, lawyer, doctor, social worker (uhhhhh? but she and her family had just come back from living in new zealand for a year, or something... so that's appropriate, right?)

i finally settled on... panda trainer. ex-squeeze me?

i know.

but, here's the thing... i think it was my attempt at being different. and i wanted so desperately to be different. while simultaneously liked by everyone, of course. and, in the fifth grade, that was not even remotely possible. you could be one or the other... and i couldn't figure it out. i still wore unitards to school, but always with a matching home-made bow (resembling those of the habig girl).

i see your true colors

shining through.

i see your true colors

and that's why i love you.

in fifth grade i didn't know how to write an answer like: happy-functioning, well-educated adult with no substance abuse issues who has a healthy relationship with movement/writing/travel/men/etc. that seems reasonable-ish... right? well, my almost-thirty-year-old self is still grappling with these things... so, maybe i'll go to panda training school at night, just in case. show me a smile then, don't be unhappy.

on a semi-related note, if you don't already know about her. get on it. i don't know her in real life... i just stalk her via her blog. she is such a brilliant writer and i love how she voraciously encourages her girlies three to be just as different as they can possibly be. i'll see your true colors shining through. she is one of the reasons i became so committed to the bloggy universe and i am just so thankful that she is such a brilliant mama... to encourage those girls to dare themselves! (doesn't hurt that they're a family of gypsies and live abroad as often as possible...) dreamy!

if this world makes you crazy

and you've taken all you can bear,

you call me up

because you know i'll be there.

what are you going to be when you grow up??? i'd love to hear from you!


images from here, here, and here. and friends... i hope you know these words already. cyndi lauper. true colors. another red-headed soul mate of mine. seriously. i get emotional when i think about cyndi lauper. did you know... in 1987 i saw cyndi lauper in concert!?!?!? yes, friends. my first concert ever was the she's so unusual tour. telling, non? obvi... big red and tony knew exactly what they had on their hands from day une. love you.