i'm up...

... wayyyy past my bedtime, again. but this city is always alive. maybe it's just my neighborhood. but, always, the sound of a car, someone laughing on the phone, tipsy people walking/tumbling past my door. but the energy is good. it gives me so much hope for life. which, i love. i need.

grandpa jim is going to a new home. for the first time in 35 years he will not spend his night-nights on katherine avenue, but at a nursing home in burbank. big red says it's for the best. i trust that.

so, all of the positive thinking and good juju that you have been sending me has been working. thank you. and this city is constantly giving me more. and i'm happier than i've been in a while. part of that feels counter-intuitive, when i know that my family is in a bit of chaos. but, i think my mom and grandpa jim would want it this way.

i've been riding my bike again. so much more in the past few weeks. using my body again. dancing. keeping my heart active and full.

i received a letter last week. in print, and on paper. it's sent my word into orbit, but in a good way. has taken my mind off of the family stuff. allowed me to be a visceral thinker. whole body thoughts. he described me in a way that i didn't know another person could. kind words and (cross your fingers) honest ones. i promise i'l share more later.

for now, i've just gotta throw these words into the universe so that i remember them.

saying yes is good.

love is the best.

hope you all say both, a lot over the weekend. i will.

just before i hit publish... voices outside my window screaming i love you i love you. moving bodies found here and here.