gratitude...

i have written and deleted the first sentence of this post a googooplex of times. so here are some words that are swirling around...

gratitude

love

gutted

overwhelmed

full

blessed

thankful

at peace

emotional

exhausted

remember this post? it's one of my personal favorites. the hardest to muster, but the writing came so easily... and that can be a rarity. so when it does, i savor it. would you read it if you have a moment? thanks.

grandpa jim died last evening. february 20th, 2012. two months (exactly) shy of his 94th birthday. 93 years old. jeez, he did such a great job living this life. the details of his passing are symbolic and so beautiful... but perhaps only meaningful and necessary to those of us that knew him. you know? but know this, and trust it... he went peacefully. having been with my mom all day, he went with a full and confident heart, knowing that we loved him... honestly and unconditionally. 

big red and i are taking this opportunity to be reflective and to remember how cyclical life is. grandpa jim was a complicated man, who isn't? so we're allowing ourselves to consider all the parts of him... did you know that when my mom was a child, she would frequently come out to breakfast in the morning to find him in a headstand?! a headstand! as she walked passed he'd say good morning louise... simple. he was a yogi. he learned yoga in india during the second world war. amazing. 

ummmmm. hello!? have you noticed how much i have been writing about yoga lately?! this morning... and yesterday's post was about big red and yoga! symbolic, non? and a few hours before he passed, big red was reading aloud to him... from a yoga book of his from the early 60's. it's all connected. we are all connected.

remember i told you that i cried in yoga this morning? it's because megan, my teacher, asked us to join hands. because, researchers who have been studying the heart have learned that when humans connect, their heartbeats begin to sync... to beat in time with one another's. so we held hands with the purpose of allowing our hearts to beat together... she knew exactly what i needed. 

i love you. thank you for being in my life.

namaste.

here's how i'm workin' it today...

i'm in love with my yoga teacher. she is so retarded amazing. and knows exactly what i need... i was in tears in the first 15 minutes of class. all good things, ya know? here's what's happening today... make yours a good one too, oui?

i'm also hella inspired to find new music today... my yoga teacher played some amazing tunes today. so, here's what's happening in my class today...

1. raconte-moi une histoire - m83

2. how can you swallow so much sleep - bombay bicycle club

3. les champs-élysées - joe dassin

4. love endeavor - alice smith

5. radio - lana del rey

6. young blood - lynx

7. somebody that i used to know - walk off the earth

8. santa fe - beirut

9. sunshine - devotchka

10. stolen - dashboard confessional

11. no rest - dry the river

12 . i slept with bonhomme at the cbc - broken social scene

13. intro - the xx

14. when the night comes - dan auerbach

send me new tunes, please. and thank you. spread hope. xo

an ode to big red...

i've been struggling to find my words lately. blocked... but i've been saving this story for just the occasion. helps me remember all the feelings that i love, you know!? and i've got feelings. new ones. all. the. time.

when big red and i were in hawai'i a few weeks ago, we went to yoga everyday. everyday. it was so glorious. i found an iyengar studio through the inflight magazine on hawai'ian airlines! way to go inflight. anywhoodle, each morning we took the bus to the silent dance center. (seriously y'all... if you're ever in honolulu, go! we went to the mo'ili'ili location. gorgeous!) we took class from two different women, who both changed my life and taught me something new (not just asanas) each class.

in our first class, the instructor asked big red and i if we had any injuries and whether we had done iyengar before. standard. big red told her it was her second time. true dat.

now, listen here, i think it's pretty clear to any of you out there that i think my mother is magical. beyond magical. she could have been spun from the magic threads of a unicorn's mane for all i know. and those who know her, love her. (and those crazies that don't love her, must be frightened of her magic. because, shit is powerful. trust.)

yoga teacher of day one got it. instantly. the way she took time to care for big red was beautiful. and it wasn't that my mom was doing the asanas incorrectly, or in danger of hurting herself. it was just that she obviously wanted to give my mom as much information as possible. as though she deserved to know everything that could be given in an hour and a half.

for a moment... a brief moment. i was jealous. i wanted the attention. i wanted to learn how to make my asanas better. to be corrected, and cared for. but then i stopped. and listened. listened to what she was telling big red. yoga teacher got it, i'm telling you.

and then...

she called me... louise's daughter. open your right hip as you tuck your sitting bones to the floor... (or whatever she actually said, because who cares?!) she touched upon my exact feelings. louise's daughter!!!!! that's me. she made me. and i'm the only one she made. lucky. maybe i've got a bit of that magic in me... i'm aiming for it!

she called me louise's daughter for the rest of our stay. it thrilled me to no end every time she said it. (thanks for that, val).

hope you've got someone magical. i adore you. you are magic. piccys are from our trip! alooooooohaaaaaa.