the northern line...

i fell in love on the train once. it was in london. on the northern line. i never spoke to him, but we stared at each other for a long while. from angel station to waterloo. then i just got up and left. but, i swear, i loved him for about 18 minutes.

there's something so romantic about a train ride... at least in london there was. it was the first time i used public transportation on a regular basis (la baby, remember). everyday i got on the underground and rode from bounds green to king's cross for classes. and at the weekends i would ride down to the south bank... gabriel's wharf, the book market, the tate modern and all of the shops and alleyways that became my 'hood.

perhaps since i've lived in new york and now san francisco, the train riding event has become less eventful and more practical. though... there is still some magic.

ever since i started working on the peninsula, i've been getting in my car and driving. yes, that big ol' hoopty girl of a car and i ride down the 101 everyday. and really, there's no reason i shouldn't be on the train. caltrain, that is... caltrain is its own beast, but one i'd be happy to conquer... if i'd just get moving on it already. jeez. i've just become so comfortable in my car. gross. and embarrassing. spending all that gas money is not sexy. though, i do love that guaranteed alone time. i listen to npr and occasionally try to stay up to date on popular culture (equally as gross and embarrassing).

the thing is... by the time i've rounded the corner from duboce/13th st to s. van ness i'm already shouting shitfuckdamn at some brilliant act of dumbassery. i hate that part.

and muni... ah muni. muni would take me to the train. i hadn't been on muni for a while... but a few weeks ago, i hopped on an m train to get downtown. it was so early. the old man across from me smiled his toothless grin at me and the little asian woman next to me was definitely listening to beyonce. get it gurl.

when a man leaving the train dropped his beanie, half the train leapt up after him... heaven forbid he lose that acrylic blend, machine made piece of textile genius. but after the man and his beanie were reunited, everyone sort of looked around and nodded. very pleased, indeed. go team.

so... i gotta get my butt on the train. walk to muni, muni to caltrain, caltrain to the peninsula, peninsula is work. if i had no other option, though... i'd be a trooper. dang car.

think i can make some pals on the train?

rearranger...

i've become a fog lover. i know. strange. especially if you knew me when i lived in new york. that shit wasn't right. i couldn't get behind the change of seasons and that white stuff falling from the sky. just. not. me. i prefer the sun. i prefer the way the world looks in the sun. oh, and yesterday... at 6:15pm... there was an eclipse happening... the most beautiful light was shining down 16th street that i have ever seen. but, i digress. i'm talking about fog.

this morning i woke up and my little bay window was almost opaque. i could hardly see the street below, there was so much fog. so, when i picked myself up and drove to work down on the peninsula, i was mildly disappointed by the sun. what?! yes. trust, i still love the sun. she and i will be friends till the end of time, but everyone deserves a rest, you know? few days of sun, then maybe some fog and/or rain. heaven. san francisco is heaven.

the fog makes me feel like nesting. and boy am i a good nester. i can snuggle myself in juuuuuust about anywhere. and these days i've got a lot of energy for rearranging my apartment. to make it feel just so. xavier and i have tried many variations, and think we have found one in which the view from the bed is just right and we can still hear the record player. of course, i've put about 83,000 too many holes in the walls and have absolutely zero paint with which to cover said holes. oh, one project at a time. i've never received an award for being speedy at anything... no need to start now.

so, i was pretty darn pleased when i was driving over the hill this evening at 21st on church to see the fog was covering my beloved little castro neighborhood. beautiful. the park was still crowded. kiddos on the new play stuff, but no sight of downtown, no ma'am. 

it means i can hunker down and do some more work... make some more design choices (but then, of course, change my mind and take everything down, spackle the holes and hope i can find something large enough to cover the damage!)

also... this came in the mail today. reason #2 is my personal fave...

probably, you should all listen to young the giant today. it's making the rearranging so sweet. oh, and throw ryan adams' cold roses in there for good measure! i like how every time i close my apartment door, one of those pictures you see up top wiggles out of alignment just so... i've decided to leave 'em askew. it's much easier to find books by color, don't you think? xoxo.


ps. spell check tried to make the word spackle into sparkle. ahhhh. i think i've developed a little crush on the spell check machine.

act right...

you ever get that suspiscious feeling? for no reason other than you feel it in your gut? (i forget which rule it is, but i'm pretty sure it's one of gibbs' rules... always trust your gut). you know... you walk in a room and the conversation stops. immediately, i think they've been talking about me... probably, they've been talking about something private... classified if you will, and i don't have the appropriate clearance level (forgive, i did fall asleep watching ncis reruns). that's one of those silly ones. a get over it one.

but the real one... especially when you're an artist. when you think... i've seen that before. i've read that before. i've written that before. and the thought goes flying through your brain: shit, gurl, did you just plagiarize me?!

it's tricky territory, i know. intellectual property is so nebulous for us human beings. we thrive off the exchange of ideas, the transfer of information and the simple (though often complicated) interaction with one another on a daily basis. but when someone inspires me to create something new, i say so. (and ps... when i see your beautiful photos, i pin them and then link this here blog to my pinnie-poos, that way you'll get credit. the point is, i'm trying... through technology, i'm trynna get it right... you know?!)

just give some cred. say, i was inspired by someone to make this new (for me) thing. otherwise, we get into that beyonce territory. it becomes stealing, and when there is more than six degrees of separation, not everyone gets that you've been inspired by someone else... and then maybe you inspire someone else... and on and on and on. and there's no history. there's no lineage, no way to say thank you to whoever thought of it all in the beginning. i know... i'm getting emotional.

pardon the rant. 

i'm craving reciprocal respect and positive human interaction. and i promise, i will write a letter to beyonce soon.

and act right. 

these pics can be found on my pinterest... the board is called words.

guts...

oh shit... i can feel it. something's brewing up in my belly. no. not because i had garlic and brussel sprouts last night... just that feeling in my guts. like, change. need for change. always. i know, didn't i just get all the change out of my system?

so, perhaps it's stability. could that be it? that i'm craving something solid... the need to feel safe. to feel ok.

don't be confused (big red), all is well. but maybe, in 2012, as humans, we are sort of trained to question things when they get comfortable. when all is well, we look for what's wrong. ok, change all of the we's in this paragraph to i's. 

i had dinner with my friend mia last night. we cooked and danced around to prince and simon and garfunkel on vinyl. it was lovely, really. but, as we are both sf transplants (christ, who isn't?), we had a conversation about creating circles of friends. there's all this beauty about san francisco. because most of us are wandering in from some other place, we have no one. so everyone becomes our someone. and everyone is open and welcoming to newcomers. but, there are always newcomers. so, has san francisco forgotten how to create the kinds of close-knit friendships and communities that some of us (me, mia...) are used to or perhaps, even craving?

we all know i can be a leeetle on the overly sensitive side... so i generally like to sit with these feelings for a minute or two. to see if they hold any merit, or if i'm [over] reacting to some nasty email from someone i don't particularly enjoy... patience. geez. these are days when i've been known to cut my own hair, eat the entire contents of my fridge and rearrange my apartment. i'm doing only the last. go me! except, at 7:58pm on a sunday, i've got an enormous mess in my one room apartment and i've spilled white wine on both myself and the cat. sorry cat.

oh... and if you've got any crafty projects for me, send 'em over. apparently, i've got lots of wall space and hardly anything to put on it!

i also look at blogs a lot on these days. this is my new favorite. all of the photos came from it. aren't they absolutely the most beautiful people in the world?! i always think i'd love to have friends that look like this. but, then i wouldn't be much fun... very non-interactive, as i'd be drooling at them all day long. xoxox. oh, i've got hella new music to share too... i'll do that soon, i promise.  oh, and that last photo... long hair, i think i'll ask him to marry me. i love you for reading.

on repeat...

all day e'ry day:



i think i have a crush on her. lp. from ny, livin' in la. it's called into the wild.

you're welcome.

punctuation...

the first time big red ever sent me a text message it said:

i love you comma too

she couldn't figure out how to get the punctuation marks to show up and wouldn't dream of sending a text without proper punctuation. i'd say not!

we've come a long way though, big red and i. in fact, recently we've had entire conversations via text. well, perhaps conversation is not entirely accurate... usually they look something like this:

layla: hey gurl hey!

big red: hey gurl. i'm just sitting here on the beach talking to the universe.

layla: of course you are. i love you the most. let's be friends till the end of time, ok?

big red: ok!

big red: ps. did i tell you that raquel [welch]'s Total Beauty and Fitness is on YouTube?! The whole hour and 26 minutes! I'm in heaven!

layla: ya gurl!

tonight we had a text "convo" regarding how unhappy we were about the ncis season finale. what the wha? totally not satisfying. and jamie lee curtis as gibbs' new love interest? not. too. thrilled. i know, you probably don't care about that as much as we do... and we do. 

there are too many word and things in my head today. i can't get them to slow down enough to make sense of. so have a great weekend and use that punctuation like you mean it! would you please send me your favorite blogs and tumblrs?! i plan on doing nothing but sit in my panties and read words and look at pictures all day sunday! thank you in advance for your cooperation in this matter. xoxoxo. pic at pinterest.

learn to listen...

what up. have i ever told you that i am not perfect? like, way far away from perfect. i leave dishes in the sink for days. i rarely fold my clean clothes. i hate proof reading, but i do it, reluctantly. imperfect is where i'm at. most days i super love all these quirks and... irregularities that i so tenderly hold on to. but, there are days y'all, when a gal's gotta strive for what doesn't come au naturale. like, listening. ok. for real, i can listen... and i'm actually quite good at it, but in a certain way. perhaps one might call my style of listening as... interactive.

i'm an only child. ha! if that weren't abundantly obvious, now you know. and the guest family, party of three, is one that takes pride in communicating. we were the type of family that ate dinner together, at the dinner table, every night. no tv. no phone calls. no hats (manners, duh). if one of us came home with an issue, we'd sit down and talk that shit out. come up with a solution. interactive. contributory.

now... i'm aware of many things. here's one: some people don't want to talk it out. they want to throw up (proverbially, and vocally) on you and then walk the eff away... you solve it. oh, here's another: constantly talking... not necessarily communication (i think kate winslet's character, clementine, in eternal sunshine said something to that effect. brill). this is a big one: i listen with my whole body. i respond. kinesthetically. and hella facial expressions come out. it's 100% something i need to work on, 'cause, as it turns out... not everyone loves that about me (go figure). this last one, ain't no surprise: i'm good at talking. chatting. discussing. proclaiming. stating. exclaiming.

listening is this thing that seems so easy. open my ears and take in the information. but it's so complicated. there's the act of processing the information. making sense of it all without projecting my own story of what's being said. being a set of honest ears is tough. especially when i've got opinions and my own sensitive ego to deal with. shit ego. let's not get into that just yet. another day.

for now, i'm practicing. my boss said to me today... just keep doing it. listen to something every day. i practice too. thanks, boss. i so appreciate the sensitivity of a good listener... read: big red. jesus. every day i've got another reason to honor that lady. striving to be the best of her. all in time. she's had more time to practice being awesome than i have... hopefully, it means i'll get there too!

oh, and hey. thanks for listening! you are beautiful and so good at it. say things to me. you can help me practice m'skillz. don't these little ladies look like amazing listeners... all in their own very special way???? pinterest. it's where i found 'em.